SIGHTS AND SOUND: BY XANDRIA OOI
taken from the Star paper..
OVER the past six months, two of my best friends from university in Australia came to Malaysia just to catch up. We made up for lost time and spent almost every single minute together. We caught up over food, shopping and tours around Kuala Lumpur. If I had to work, they came along with me. Jacqui, who was here just last week, said she complained constantly to her mother that her friends had dwindled after university ended. Her mother once replied, “Well, I told you not to make friends with international students, they all have to leave the country after graduating!”
Between fits of laughter, I told Jacqui that her mother was probably right. I never thought of it that way, but what she said is indeed true - most of us international students have left Australia and are now working in various countries around the world. Thinking it through, I wondered if we would have honestly spent more time together if we had been in the same country. Before they made their plans, they emailed, SMS, and called to check on when the best time to visit would be.
I always replied that they should come when it was convenient for them, and that I would work my schedule around the visit. What I have come to realise is that no time is the best time. There is always something going on – work we have to finish, appointments we have to keep and people we have to see. The only reason I had time for my friends when they visited was because I made time. I shifted appointments and completed work in advance. I spent more time with them over a few days than I have in a year with my Malaysian friends who live within driving distance.
Knowing that we can see our friends any time, ironically, makes us see less of them. There is always tomorrow and next week, but if our friend had gone overseas and come back for a few weeks, we would be making more effort to catch up. When I was studying abroad and came back for holidays, I saw more of my relatives than I do today. My aunt from France who has been here for a week has spent more time with my grandmother than my mother has in the past several months.
There is no explanation for this, we can simply put it down to human nature. Something has to happen before we take action. There have been many occasions where I have said to a friend, “Hey we really have to catch up,” but that hardly ever happens unless we bump into each other coincidently. We do not just take our friends’ presence for granted; we take time for granted.
If someone pays you a short visit, you know that you only have a limited amount of time, therefore you treasure every second. If that same person lives down the road from you, you can catch up anytime, but somehow the time hardly ever arrives.
How important, then, is friendship?
I have been working non-stop for the past couple of years, thinking that perhaps it is all right to focus on my career instead. When my girlfriends took the trouble to visit me, they reminded me of what I was missing out on – fierce loyalty, unwavering support and never-ending giggles.
Growing up does not mean losing our sense of humour, working does not mean giving up our soul and being successful does not mean sacrificing friendships. Making money can’t buy good friends, but making time certainly can.
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