Sometimes I just miss those times that I could even say a something without upsetting you or even by making you angry. *sigh*
Sometimes I feel that I'm the useless one that does not know how to appreciate things around me. Sometimes I feel that your friends are more important than myself.
Sometimes you make me feel that my feelings are not important at all anymore. How do I keep my feelings in a box?
When I feel like talking to you about how I feel, you just turn a deaf ear, push me away as in silence or just get mad at me for feeling that way. Is it wrong to tell you how how I feel?
Every time I feel down, you make me think that is it my fault that I choose to feel that way. I feel that you don't tend yo direct my thoughts and just let me go on thinking on the negative thoughts.
Sometimes you make me feel that I regret telling you how I feel.
When I start tearing , you tend not to wipe it dry and ask me 'Why?' but instead you just let me go on crying.
Shouldn't you be the one drying my tears up?
Shouldn't you be the one to cheer me up?
At the end of the day, these are just thoughts running through my mind. Thoughts that is suppose to be erase but can't seem to forget. Aren't we suppose to share, listen and give each other support or courage? Right now, I'm don't know which one though.
But still, at the end of the day, I still love you so much that I can't just give up on you. Is it worth it? I don't know. No matter how hurtful the words you use against me, I just find it so hard just to hate you. Sometimes I think about all the words you used, is it because you want to push me away from your life or just to teach me a lesson? I hope it does not mean anything or the first one that came up to my mind. If it is a lesson, I'm sure that this is the hardest way to learn.
*Sigh*

Something I read over the internet about relationships. Well in a way it's so true but sometimes you just find it so hard for the guy to give in and talk about things to the girl.

Quote from here.

In a relationship we cannot control the way our partner is nor can we change him into what we want him to be. On the contrary, fighting the differences will make them stronger and by trying to change somebody we will make them want to resist even more. The only thing we can do is accept our partner for who he is, without conditions!

Other things we can do:

• Love yourself ~ Some people are in relationships because they are afraid to be alone. If you can’t love yourself, you can’t possibly love somebody else. Be courageous and get to know yourself. You are the most amazing being on this planet. Start accepting yourself for who you are, for your strengths and for your weaknesses. You are after all your very own best friend!

• Accept the differences ~ This is easier said than done. We assume other people are like us and get flustered when they are not. Accept that we are different. He does not like to talk in the morning? Don’t talk to him in the morning. He does not want to watch the same movies? Find someone who does. Only if we accept our differences can we create the space to understand each other.

• Be interested ~ Curiosity is an amazing thing and kids have it in spades. Wow, who is this person that can give us such joy and such heartache? What does he like, what are his dreams, how can we get closer to him? If you can stay curious, if you don’t already know who the other person is, life will become magical.

• Be honest ~ Being honest is not as easy as it may seem. First, be honest with yourself. What do you really want? Stop acting nice, don’t pretend to be someone you are not. We can’t very well appreciate one another if we are playing games of deception. You don’t have to put on an act to get what you want, just ask for it.

• Keep learning ~ Unfortunately, we don’t learn how to have a great relationship in school, or growing up. Do your homework. Take a seminar, get a coach, read and learn online or in books. There is some great information out there that can really help you in making sense out of it all. I am listing a few books below that have really helped me and I hope they are valuable for you as well.

'I do not know him enough!'
Those were the words that came out from his mouth...
I shouldn't have open my mouth to say anything about anything...
Sometimes I feel that I'm no one here...

Who am I around him? I keep on wondering...

I am an IDIOT...
I am a STUPID person...
I am full of DRAMA...
I don't know how to think...

These lines of words keep repeating in my head as he shouted at me...
*sigh*

hey hey you you!!!
hehehehe...
Sorry for the late post.. and NO I did not abandoned my blog...
I just have been really occupied with things... :)

Sorry Astrid for not updating my blog!!! hehehehe...

Honestly I do not know what to write and there is nothing in my mind...

Wait... Lemme think...
Urmmmmm....

Oh-ya...!!!! I got a job!!! I start working on the 3rd February... :) Right after all the holidays... :) So wish me luck!!! :) Holidays will be over soon!! No more bumming around anymore! :) It's a relief though that I don't have to look for more job opportunities at the moment...

Well the surprise birthday party for the boyfriend and Kevin worked out... :) Two weeks of planning... Astrid did all the list of people though... Most of it is Astrid's work!! Way to go babe!!! :) I handle the boyfriend only... :) and... Tina handled Kevin... hahahaha...It's so hard to lie and I hate lying... *sigh*And the boyfriend got drunk and couldn't remember A single thing! He did puke in his bed though! hahahahaha!!!! *pictures will be uploaded soon* But indeed I had fun but.... I didn't sleep that much cause I had to clean the boyfriend up!!!

One thing did accrue to me was 'someone' said that I was a drama queen!!! Well I am A DRAMA QUEEN!!! At least I admit it and you don't! So mind your own business! Well I wonder who the person is... To that person, think for yourself cause you don't know whats going through my mind, so don't simple judge me and call me a drama queen cause you might be ONE too! And if it really happen to YOU, I shall say it back to you!!! In the end were you the one who clean everything up??? So fuck off! Mind your words!

Today is the eve of Chinese New Year...
And I'm currently still at home waiting for my mum to decide what are we doing tonight...
I wonder whether we do still have family dinner! *sigh* I cannot join the boyfriend's family... :( I don't think so though...
At the same time, I would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone 'GONG XI FA CAI'!!!!! Hope you all get loads of angpow! :)

I better go and do some laundry's before mum gets back and nags at me!
So tata for now!

later~

Who am I suppose to turn too when I'm feeling down and sad?
Who am I suppose to turn too when I'm feeling angry?
Who am I suppose to turn too when I'm feeling happy?
Who am I suppose to turn too when I don't know where I stand?
Who am I suppose to turn too when I feel that I am no one?
Who am I suppose to turn too when I feel like I'm useless?
Who am I suppose to turn too when I want to share my thoughts?
Who am I suppose to turn too when I feel like talking?
Who am I suppose to turn too when I have an argument?
Who am I suppose to turn too when I don't understand anything?
Who am I suppose to turn too to teach me?
Who am I suppose to turn too to feel love?
Who am I suppose to turn too to feel wanted around?
Who am I suppose to turn too to feel cared?
WHO AM I SUPPOSE TO TURN TOO???

Sometimes how a girl feel is how I feel. Girls are sensitive and also they get upset easily. I'm sure same goes for the guys but not as much as the girls. Guys when they get upset they just tend to push their girlfriends away and just go on with life. Meanwhile girls tend to keep it to themselves and just cry over it. It breaks a girls heart when the guy tends to push the girl away.
A relationship works both ways. *sigh*

Things I have to do own my own from now on...

1. Control my temper
2. Put away my anger feelings
3. Be cheerful
4. Respect one another
5. Not to argue on small little things
6. Be mature enough to deal with problems
7. Learn to face reality
8. Turn my heart into an iron
9. Be tough
10. Be a grown up
11. Keep quiet minus the loudness
13. Minimize the moodiness
14. Work harder
15. Don't be lazy
16. Get a new job!
17. Learn not to depend on others
18. Learn to appreciate others
19. Learn the roads around more
20. Be INDEPENDENT!
21. Stand on my own feet!
22. Attend anger management class (Anyone knows anyway to do this?)
23. Keep feelings inside more often

.... i love you

i can't seem to get myself right this time...
i made someone angry...
i made someone sad...

i'm sorry...
i'm sorry i'm being difficult...
i'm sorry for being moody...
i'm sorry for my mood swings...
i'm sorry for everything that i ever did wrong...

just one thing...
don't push me away...

*sigh*