sigh~

the other night i didnt message him and call him the other night when i came back late, he question me asking why i didnt call him...
last night was the opposite... when i called him he push me away~ how is that so?

*sigh*

heading out now...

killing me softly!

my cramps as usual is killing me badly and slowly.... i just want to sit in one place for the rest of the day but unfortunately i have to walk around and do house chores and this and that... ouchhhhhhhh...

but one thing it didnt stop me from going to the grand opening in republic last night... was awesome... took a lot of pictures but have to wait cause its all with natalie.. hehehe... free flow of beer, wine, and cocktail from 8pm till 12am.. hehehe... i had fun though even some of the music they play suck big time cause you cant dance to it... they played too much of trance music!!

mum just got back from singapore and i got the tops that i bought online.. hehehe.. yay! new tops.. loving it!

movies movies movies...

27 dresses was awesome... i love it.. i want to watch it again!!!!!

a list of movies i must watch!!!!

1. The Water Horse
2. Gone Baby Gone
3. Definitely, Maybe
4. Over Her Dead Body
5. Forbidden Kingdom
6. Wanted... In June
7. Mamma Mia... In Sept
8. The Batman Movie

hehehe.. will be updating the list every now and then.. hehehe...

happy thoughts

today is a happy day!!!! besides my two friend who told me that we were gonna have donuts went missing! hahaha... yesterday i meet up with them and we chill until 3am... from i think 6pm.. hahaha.. yeah... long long long long reunion!

but today is better besides the back pain of mine... my chest painful... and my head as coz not enough sleep!

happy thoughts in my headdddddddddddddddd!!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

happy to sad again~!

my day was about to change since last nite... i had the best time with the guy i love last night... it was the best... it was long since i was treated like that... that i thank you...

and nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... from happy to angry and sad... i just had to have one small argument with the one person i dont want to argue and i had to argue with YOU! *you should know who you are!* sedar sikit... i just want to be happy for once and you just spoil it!

*not in the mood suddenly*

=(

my back hurts like shit!!!!!! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... can i break my back one shot!

loosing it!

our flight got delay and we got stuck up air!!! yeah i mean up up up there.. i saw the moon up on air for the first time... i mean not the first time seeing the moon but really up close on the eye level from inside the plane... it was raining heavily.. and thunder!!!!! i mean THUNDER!!!! up in the sky where i was in the plane... the flight was terrible... my heart just felt like it was jumping out of my body.. anyway when i arrived back home, it was damn late and i was damn tired!!

and today i had to wake up at 6am to drive back to campus just in time to get my ass to class...

besides that all i was distracted with one thing... and im trying not to think about it... sigh!!!!!!!!!!

all i did for the pass half the day was longing for your message..
seeing if you still care for me...
whether you'll be worried that i haven't message since the last time i messaged...
whether im back here safe or not?

what am i suppose to do???
im starting to feel that im really invisible... that is not what you used to make me feel...
i used to feel complete and also give me a reason to smile!!!!!!! where has it gone..?? im loosing myself day by day...

sneak peak!

well... im still stuck in kuching, sarawak... holiday of the semester break is over... tomorrow is back to class again... sigh... two more months then ill get my degree... wish me luck... anyway about kuching... hmmmmm... its a very tiring trip this time... as i came back and shot for my TVC for my final year project... hope its good... ok i shall log off now... mum wants to use... this want also im sneaking to blog... sigh! have to go back to cyber again... sigh sigh sigh...

funny faces

the funny faces of us being bored!

what?

him : the other reason i wan us not to be together temp.
him : is becos i nak buat my fyp
him : if im with u
him : nanti i sure kena go out with u
me: who say so
him : then kena pujuk u if u buat u merajuk
him : i dun hv time nanti
me : how can u say that
me : s'ok la
him : sometimes u can be demanding b
me : dont worry
me : i dont want it either
him : that is the truth
me : im not asking u back aor wanting u back either

what a morning to start the day...

....

when i see my two bestfriends with there boyfriend, i wish i had one... i miss having him around me...

sigh~

update!

a brief update!

FRIDAY

• went for lunch with natalie in pyramid...
• head home...slept for a bit...
• went to laundry with kristen to watch colbie caillat... at the same time met natalie there... she looks awesome and i love her voice....!!!!!!!!

SATURDAY

• went to the hospital to visit uncle roland... yea~ he got admited... hehehe..
• after that i went to the wet market.. yah! i survived at the wet market... i hate going to the market cause of the smell and the dirtiness... yuck!!!!!!! had to by stuff to cook!
• lastly it was a last minute thingy! fabian had free tickets to sunburst! weeee... and he ask me to go... hahaha.. yay! sunburst was great and awesome! i enjoyed myself but it was freezing cold!!!!!!!!!!!!

SUNDAY

• not enough sleep!!!! waaaaaaaaaaa... woke up start cooking...
• mum cooked sarawak laksa.. yum yum.. and i cook chicken with green pepper and ginger and carrots... hehehe... i made very own dish... one thing is when u cook you can put what ever you want in it... hehehe...

that is all for now so far... hahaha...

job???

i need to find a job!!!! urgently though... who wants to employ me???

mid term break is around the corner... that means one week holiday but i dont think is enough for me! shooting shooting.. here i come!

i need some sleep but i cant sleep... i need someone to be with me to put me to sleep as i feel so insecure now a days.. sigh~ i just want to have you to be by myself.. where is my self confidence when i really it now??? i feel like crying now and i need someones shoulder to cry on... how how how how!!!!

rain drops...

its raining its pouring... such a lazyyyyyyyyy day... im stuck in my room being bored as usual... just finish watching save the last dance 2... just love the way they dance... and i sometimes wish i could dance like them and presue my career in dancing... but im too weak in dancing... something i dont know what i do best and what is good for me... sigh...

im trying to move on but sometimes when i do... i think back and start thinking about us and i miss him so much... i dont know what to do anymore... i feel that my heart is being played by him... i just wish that he choose to love me all his heart and not play it... i miss him so badly but i cant do anything as we are not together or even close... when i start talking to him we always get each other upset for no certain reason... especially the way he approach me... im invisible and he treats me like i dont have feelings anymore... according to him "i always put pressure on him" sigh...! i never intended to do anything and that is definately not my intention to do that...

i miss him... its like i dont even know him or i dont exist in him anymore...

wonder....

When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.
When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around.
When a GIRL answers " I'm fine " after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine.
When a GIRL stares at you ... she is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays on your chest ... she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered.
When a GIRL says " I love you " ... she means it.
When a GIRL says " I miss you " ... no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person .... Find a guy ... who calls you beautiful instead of hot. who calls you back when you hang up on him. who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Who turns to his friends and says, " That's her!! "

missing my part of life...

its been 10 years...
i wish that you are still here with me...
watch me with your own eyes...
to get hugged by you is one thing i know i cant get forever...
i miss you daddy..
may you rest in peace..
i love you...

boil~

my blood is boiling up too 100 degrees!!!! argh!!!! some people just cant expect the fact that i do exist!

random ideas...

hey hey hey... hehehe... i just got back from genting highlands... it was a really random idea going up there... ekmund came and pick me up and he just blurt out his idea to head to genting... i was like ok! it was freaking cold and i wore flip flops... it was fun and cold! why cant kl be like genting! if it was like genting i would really love to dress up and wear coats and all.. hahaha.. anyway we didnt come down the same day as we were tired... i wanted to enter the theme park but the weather was sucky so we ended up in the casino.. weeeeee.. not bad huh... first time going in the casino.. hehehe... anyway we head back down to kl around lunch time and i was in the mood of a make over... hahaha.. i highlighted my hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i love my hair.... hehehehe... mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... i look great and hot! the vain deena is back again... ehehehe... ill upload pictures later as im heading to laundry now.... bbyeeeeeeeeeee.....

gud morning!!!

morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woke up early for senaman pagi with the sakti members... now im not sleepy and sweaty... and hungry... the weekend has come and weeeeeeeeeeeeee.... party! hahaha... the election is tomorrow... and i will not be taking part as my name has not been officially registered into the system.. anyway wish of luck and may the best parti wins... :)

shopping spreeeee....

Today I went for a retail therapy... I need it badly and just to get things out of my mind... That is the Guess heels that I've been longing for... It was RM 419.00 but I only paid it for RM209.50 after discount... hehehe... I'm loving it and my two best friends hate me for buying it! And the jacket cost RM329.90 but after discount is RM269.00... Me also bought a singlet RM49.00 after discount... hehehe.. That one cannot be showed here as it is.... lalalala.. hehehe... Thanks ijoy for temaning me... Really appreciate it...

life...

letting it go...

after all i have been through.. i have to let it go...

letting it go slowly...

crazy thoughts!

Taking my mind off things.. I wish I was out of here and way far from here..

Why is it so hard not to think about what is happening? I used to get distracted with a lot of things but now when I really want to get distracted and not think about it I can't do it... What is happening to me??? I used to be able to fall for any guy who comes in my way when they treat me nice and all but now it's totally different... I can't find a heart to do so anymore... I wish it would be easier but it's not easy anymore...

How? What is happening to myself..........???????????????????????????????????????????????????

Today I escaped from class... It was a long class actually... It's some seminar on lighting and camera shots and all but I refused to stay as my mind is not there in the class...

Why is it so hard to trust one person when you're heart has been hurt??? I just want him to prove to me that he could be trusted and be a real boyfriend to me or even to say I don't want to be a Barbie doll to him...

My mind is going crazy with a lot of things and I just wish that he would wash away all the crazy thoughts that are running through my mind... *sigh*

I wish I could run away from everything now... Where should I go?? Singapore?? Australia?? Fly away??

*Wishing my daddy was here*

weekend to weekdays...

Back to my list of what i have to do... I did pretty much whats on the list but i just didn't get enough of sleep this time... and I'm suppose to study and i didn't... weekends are over and back to weekdays... Mum is going to be busy working this whole week as the election is around the corner... Brought Nat Nat shopping and I ended up shopping too... waaaaaaaaaa... It's a retail therapy for me... At least it doesn't sound so bad me spending money!!! February is gone and now it's March... Damn it damn fast.. Anyway I shall be heading off to class now before I am late...

1. career fair...
2. bring natalie shopping...
3. sleepppppppppppppppppppp...
4. go out with my bestfriends...
5. laundry...
6. ideas for my FYP!... <--- do i have too??? =(
7. sleeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppppppppppppppppp somemore!!!!
8. study some economics... <---- do i have toooooooo??? uwaaaaaaaa....

money?

oh GOD!!! i need to fork out damn a lot of money to change few stuff to my car... the battery of my needs to be change.. damn it! i wish i am working right now... it would be easier... someone scratch my car on the left side leaving a dent to it. sigh!!!! my rear tyre was 'seget' so i had to bring it to knock it just now... damn money money money... everything is all about money now!!!!!

im stuck at kristen's house again... and she is sleeping!!!

yay~ finally!

well... i went out as i need to get my mind off things... i went to catch a movie with my old friend... i haven't seen him for ages... was glad that i meet up with him... i wanted to watch step up 2 so badly so we decided to watch that movie... it was sold out at first but the counter say that they were still a lot of reserved tickets that have not been collected and they would only release the tickets at 11.20pm when the movie is at 11.50pm.. i was reluctant to watch any other movie as i have already set my mind to that particular movie... so what happen is we had to queue up 6-7 times just to wait for the time to turn 11.20pm so we could grab the tickets as fast as possible as there were so many of them wanting to watch the movie...

the movie was great!!! AWESOME!!! beyond words... i would want to watch it again... i love the soundtracks in the movie... i love it!!! i love ittttttttttttt... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... i don't regret queuing up for 6-7 times to get tickets just to watch the movie....
i wan to watch it again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... love it...

my friend realise that i was half the time distracted with things and he knows that something is not right... i tried really hard to not think about it but at the same time sad as he did not message me or anything... just hope that he is okay as i don't want to ask or do anything before i get all the scolding in the world... anyway I'm heading to bed now... I'm really tired emotionally and psychically....

*wishing and still hoping he would message and also at the same time hope he is feeling better.. just want him to know that i love him... *