a great weekend

yay~ im back from malacca trip with the family... here are some pictures... it was hot and tiring as mum made us walk from one end to the other end... but on sunday, 4 of us had 'cirit birit'... i had to visit the toilet for 4 times... but in the end it was a great weekend to spend with my family, kristen and fabian... =)

waiting...

Soph and Tarn has gone back to Singapore already and I'm back to square one... what a tiring week i had... driving up and down to bring them shopping... now its time to get some rest and also back to work!!! finals are around the corner and i need to get my feet back in doing my final year project... the second part of it is the editing of the video... i had way too much fun... this weekend I'll be heading to Malacca with mum and her friends... i guess this will be the last weekend i will enjoy for the mean time... next week is work time... tonight is 3rd ACAA... hehehe... cant wait.. I'll be getting my hair done at 4pm... weeeeeeeeeeee... I'm excited! cant wait too look preeeettttyyy tonight! I'm gonna take a short nap for a while while I wait for the time to strike 4!

after

*after*

two people ended up drunk! hahaha.. sophia and fabian... me tarn and kristen couldnt stop laughing out loud at the both of them the whole nite... but we all had fun... =)

before

*before*

the night at maison with my cousin and my besties...

over!

Submission one is over!!! hehehe.. yay!!! but theres another submission coming up in week 15... sigh... i cant wait for this semester to end and i can start work!!!! weeeeeeeeeee... money coming in.. hehehe...

submission over but im sick!!! AGAIN!

on saturday, sophia is coming down to kl... weeee... shopping!!! damn money again! *sigh*

happy birthday mummy~

MUMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
its your birthday today!!!! and you're not here to celebrate with me!
but i know you're enjoying yourself in singapore!
hahahaha...

dear mummy,
happy birthday!!!
your 52 this year...
but you still look young!!! like meeeeeeeeee! hehehe...
i love you mummy..

*hugs and kisses*

love your lovely daughter!

:)

this weekend was awesome... loads of assignment pending but i manage to keep myself free for sean kingston in zouk... it was awesome... i had fun! so much fun.. hehehe... and then after zouk we all head to poppy's... hehehe... club like crazy dance like crazy... lepas stress! hahaha...

last nite we went to laundry... all of us again... haih

now im worried that i cannot finish my assignment..
die! submission on tuesday...

update later...

sick!

all this while im trying to get sick and now when i cant afford to get sick im down with a fever! throat pain pain! body aching! head pain pain!

why now????? submission next week... i cant afford to get sick!!! arghhhhhhhhhhhhh...

stress!
stress!
stress!
stress!
stress!
stress!
stress!

........................................ help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

reality~

weekend is over again...
now im back in campus...
work time!
running out of time with my fyp!
sigh~
i just wanna do it and get it done with it...

wish me luck!

phew~

Sports Carnival is over.. what a tiring day! the whole day out in the sun and entertaining people with food.. hehehehe.. the heat didn't bother me much but the sweat bothered me as i got sticker and sticker and smelly! it was really hot.. it ended at 7.45pm.. i had fun though but just couldn't stand the heat much.. I'm really exhausted and tired and my legs are sore.. i need a massage on my feet.. who is willing to bring me for foot reflexology??? now that I'm back home, i want to sleep.. not planning to go anywhere as i'm aiming to attend morning mass.. then head to midvalley to look out for mum's, soph's and denise's bday present.. time to crack my head on what to get for them again.. sigh.. i hate to crack my head for this.. :(

... I'm heading to bed soon.. cannot tahan already... eyes are closing on me...

teary~

my feelings are beyond words... all i could do is cry and sit at one corner quietly and not say anything... im just hurt and just sad...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
tears just wet my cheek as i just stare out the window and wonder back...

sigh~

fight?

why does the word 'fight' exist in the first place... i hate it when people around me fights and argue... and bringing up all the past to make one person hurt... it hurts so badly... im cuurently pissed at my bestfriend's bf when he doesnt even fucking appreciate my bestfriend... i just wish someday that the word 'fight' never exist! i hate it as much as i hate the weather! its making me cranky and everything in the world... like whta kristen say... you make my blood boil! hahahaha...

sigh~

the other night i didnt message him and call him the other night when i came back late, he question me asking why i didnt call him...
last night was the opposite... when i called him he push me away~ how is that so?

*sigh*

heading out now...

killing me softly!

my cramps as usual is killing me badly and slowly.... i just want to sit in one place for the rest of the day but unfortunately i have to walk around and do house chores and this and that... ouchhhhhhhh...

but one thing it didnt stop me from going to the grand opening in republic last night... was awesome... took a lot of pictures but have to wait cause its all with natalie.. hehehe... free flow of beer, wine, and cocktail from 8pm till 12am.. hehehe... i had fun though even some of the music they play suck big time cause you cant dance to it... they played too much of trance music!!

mum just got back from singapore and i got the tops that i bought online.. hehehe.. yay! new tops.. loving it!

movies movies movies...

27 dresses was awesome... i love it.. i want to watch it again!!!!!

a list of movies i must watch!!!!

1. The Water Horse
2. Gone Baby Gone
3. Definitely, Maybe
4. Over Her Dead Body
5. Forbidden Kingdom
6. Wanted... In June
7. Mamma Mia... In Sept
8. The Batman Movie

hehehe.. will be updating the list every now and then.. hehehe...

happy thoughts

today is a happy day!!!! besides my two friend who told me that we were gonna have donuts went missing! hahaha... yesterday i meet up with them and we chill until 3am... from i think 6pm.. hahaha.. yeah... long long long long reunion!

but today is better besides the back pain of mine... my chest painful... and my head as coz not enough sleep!

happy thoughts in my headdddddddddddddddd!!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

happy to sad again~!

my day was about to change since last nite... i had the best time with the guy i love last night... it was the best... it was long since i was treated like that... that i thank you...

and nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... from happy to angry and sad... i just had to have one small argument with the one person i dont want to argue and i had to argue with YOU! *you should know who you are!* sedar sikit... i just want to be happy for once and you just spoil it!

*not in the mood suddenly*

=(

my back hurts like shit!!!!!! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... can i break my back one shot!

loosing it!

our flight got delay and we got stuck up air!!! yeah i mean up up up there.. i saw the moon up on air for the first time... i mean not the first time seeing the moon but really up close on the eye level from inside the plane... it was raining heavily.. and thunder!!!!! i mean THUNDER!!!! up in the sky where i was in the plane... the flight was terrible... my heart just felt like it was jumping out of my body.. anyway when i arrived back home, it was damn late and i was damn tired!!

and today i had to wake up at 6am to drive back to campus just in time to get my ass to class...

besides that all i was distracted with one thing... and im trying not to think about it... sigh!!!!!!!!!!

all i did for the pass half the day was longing for your message..
seeing if you still care for me...
whether you'll be worried that i haven't message since the last time i messaged...
whether im back here safe or not?

what am i suppose to do???
im starting to feel that im really invisible... that is not what you used to make me feel...
i used to feel complete and also give me a reason to smile!!!!!!! where has it gone..?? im loosing myself day by day...

sneak peak!

well... im still stuck in kuching, sarawak... holiday of the semester break is over... tomorrow is back to class again... sigh... two more months then ill get my degree... wish me luck... anyway about kuching... hmmmmm... its a very tiring trip this time... as i came back and shot for my TVC for my final year project... hope its good... ok i shall log off now... mum wants to use... this want also im sneaking to blog... sigh! have to go back to cyber again... sigh sigh sigh...

funny faces

the funny faces of us being bored!

what?

him : the other reason i wan us not to be together temp.
him : is becos i nak buat my fyp
him : if im with u
him : nanti i sure kena go out with u
me: who say so
him : then kena pujuk u if u buat u merajuk
him : i dun hv time nanti
me : how can u say that
me : s'ok la
him : sometimes u can be demanding b
me : dont worry
me : i dont want it either
him : that is the truth
me : im not asking u back aor wanting u back either

what a morning to start the day...

....

when i see my two bestfriends with there boyfriend, i wish i had one... i miss having him around me...

sigh~

update!

a brief update!

FRIDAY

• went for lunch with natalie in pyramid...
• head home...slept for a bit...
• went to laundry with kristen to watch colbie caillat... at the same time met natalie there... she looks awesome and i love her voice....!!!!!!!!

SATURDAY

• went to the hospital to visit uncle roland... yea~ he got admited... hehehe..
• after that i went to the wet market.. yah! i survived at the wet market... i hate going to the market cause of the smell and the dirtiness... yuck!!!!!!! had to by stuff to cook!
• lastly it was a last minute thingy! fabian had free tickets to sunburst! weeee... and he ask me to go... hahaha.. yay! sunburst was great and awesome! i enjoyed myself but it was freezing cold!!!!!!!!!!!!

SUNDAY

• not enough sleep!!!! waaaaaaaaaaa... woke up start cooking...
• mum cooked sarawak laksa.. yum yum.. and i cook chicken with green pepper and ginger and carrots... hehehe... i made very own dish... one thing is when u cook you can put what ever you want in it... hehehe...

that is all for now so far... hahaha...

job???

i need to find a job!!!! urgently though... who wants to employ me???

mid term break is around the corner... that means one week holiday but i dont think is enough for me! shooting shooting.. here i come!

i need some sleep but i cant sleep... i need someone to be with me to put me to sleep as i feel so insecure now a days.. sigh~ i just want to have you to be by myself.. where is my self confidence when i really it now??? i feel like crying now and i need someones shoulder to cry on... how how how how!!!!

rain drops...

its raining its pouring... such a lazyyyyyyyyy day... im stuck in my room being bored as usual... just finish watching save the last dance 2... just love the way they dance... and i sometimes wish i could dance like them and presue my career in dancing... but im too weak in dancing... something i dont know what i do best and what is good for me... sigh...

im trying to move on but sometimes when i do... i think back and start thinking about us and i miss him so much... i dont know what to do anymore... i feel that my heart is being played by him... i just wish that he choose to love me all his heart and not play it... i miss him so badly but i cant do anything as we are not together or even close... when i start talking to him we always get each other upset for no certain reason... especially the way he approach me... im invisible and he treats me like i dont have feelings anymore... according to him "i always put pressure on him" sigh...! i never intended to do anything and that is definately not my intention to do that...

i miss him... its like i dont even know him or i dont exist in him anymore...

wonder....

When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.
When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around.
When a GIRL answers " I'm fine " after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine.
When a GIRL stares at you ... she is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays on your chest ... she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered.
When a GIRL says " I love you " ... she means it.
When a GIRL says " I miss you " ... no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person .... Find a guy ... who calls you beautiful instead of hot. who calls you back when you hang up on him. who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Who turns to his friends and says, " That's her!! "

missing my part of life...

its been 10 years...
i wish that you are still here with me...
watch me with your own eyes...
to get hugged by you is one thing i know i cant get forever...
i miss you daddy..
may you rest in peace..
i love you...

boil~

my blood is boiling up too 100 degrees!!!! argh!!!! some people just cant expect the fact that i do exist!

random ideas...

hey hey hey... hehehe... i just got back from genting highlands... it was a really random idea going up there... ekmund came and pick me up and he just blurt out his idea to head to genting... i was like ok! it was freaking cold and i wore flip flops... it was fun and cold! why cant kl be like genting! if it was like genting i would really love to dress up and wear coats and all.. hahaha.. anyway we didnt come down the same day as we were tired... i wanted to enter the theme park but the weather was sucky so we ended up in the casino.. weeeeee.. not bad huh... first time going in the casino.. hehehe... anyway we head back down to kl around lunch time and i was in the mood of a make over... hahaha.. i highlighted my hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i love my hair.... hehehehe... mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... i look great and hot! the vain deena is back again... ehehehe... ill upload pictures later as im heading to laundry now.... bbyeeeeeeeeeee.....

gud morning!!!

morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woke up early for senaman pagi with the sakti members... now im not sleepy and sweaty... and hungry... the weekend has come and weeeeeeeeeeeeee.... party! hahaha... the election is tomorrow... and i will not be taking part as my name has not been officially registered into the system.. anyway wish of luck and may the best parti wins... :)

shopping spreeeee....

Today I went for a retail therapy... I need it badly and just to get things out of my mind... That is the Guess heels that I've been longing for... It was RM 419.00 but I only paid it for RM209.50 after discount... hehehe... I'm loving it and my two best friends hate me for buying it! And the jacket cost RM329.90 but after discount is RM269.00... Me also bought a singlet RM49.00 after discount... hehehe.. That one cannot be showed here as it is.... lalalala.. hehehe... Thanks ijoy for temaning me... Really appreciate it...

life...

letting it go...

after all i have been through.. i have to let it go...

letting it go slowly...

crazy thoughts!

Taking my mind off things.. I wish I was out of here and way far from here..

Why is it so hard not to think about what is happening? I used to get distracted with a lot of things but now when I really want to get distracted and not think about it I can't do it... What is happening to me??? I used to be able to fall for any guy who comes in my way when they treat me nice and all but now it's totally different... I can't find a heart to do so anymore... I wish it would be easier but it's not easy anymore...

How? What is happening to myself..........???????????????????????????????????????????????????

Today I escaped from class... It was a long class actually... It's some seminar on lighting and camera shots and all but I refused to stay as my mind is not there in the class...

Why is it so hard to trust one person when you're heart has been hurt??? I just want him to prove to me that he could be trusted and be a real boyfriend to me or even to say I don't want to be a Barbie doll to him...

My mind is going crazy with a lot of things and I just wish that he would wash away all the crazy thoughts that are running through my mind... *sigh*

I wish I could run away from everything now... Where should I go?? Singapore?? Australia?? Fly away??

*Wishing my daddy was here*

weekend to weekdays...

Back to my list of what i have to do... I did pretty much whats on the list but i just didn't get enough of sleep this time... and I'm suppose to study and i didn't... weekends are over and back to weekdays... Mum is going to be busy working this whole week as the election is around the corner... Brought Nat Nat shopping and I ended up shopping too... waaaaaaaaaa... It's a retail therapy for me... At least it doesn't sound so bad me spending money!!! February is gone and now it's March... Damn it damn fast.. Anyway I shall be heading off to class now before I am late...

1. career fair...
2. bring natalie shopping...
3. sleepppppppppppppppppppp...
4. go out with my bestfriends...
5. laundry...
6. ideas for my FYP!... <--- do i have too??? =(
7. sleeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppppppppppppppppp somemore!!!!
8. study some economics... <---- do i have toooooooo??? uwaaaaaaaa....

money?

oh GOD!!! i need to fork out damn a lot of money to change few stuff to my car... the battery of my needs to be change.. damn it! i wish i am working right now... it would be easier... someone scratch my car on the left side leaving a dent to it. sigh!!!! my rear tyre was 'seget' so i had to bring it to knock it just now... damn money money money... everything is all about money now!!!!!

im stuck at kristen's house again... and she is sleeping!!!

yay~ finally!

well... i went out as i need to get my mind off things... i went to catch a movie with my old friend... i haven't seen him for ages... was glad that i meet up with him... i wanted to watch step up 2 so badly so we decided to watch that movie... it was sold out at first but the counter say that they were still a lot of reserved tickets that have not been collected and they would only release the tickets at 11.20pm when the movie is at 11.50pm.. i was reluctant to watch any other movie as i have already set my mind to that particular movie... so what happen is we had to queue up 6-7 times just to wait for the time to turn 11.20pm so we could grab the tickets as fast as possible as there were so many of them wanting to watch the movie...

the movie was great!!! AWESOME!!! beyond words... i would want to watch it again... i love the soundtracks in the movie... i love it!!! i love ittttttttttttt... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... i don't regret queuing up for 6-7 times to get tickets just to watch the movie....
i wan to watch it again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... love it...

my friend realise that i was half the time distracted with things and he knows that something is not right... i tried really hard to not think about it but at the same time sad as he did not message me or anything... just hope that he is okay as i don't want to ask or do anything before i get all the scolding in the world... anyway I'm heading to bed now... I'm really tired emotionally and psychically....

*wishing and still hoping he would message and also at the same time hope he is feeling better.. just want him to know that i love him... *

home sweet home!

home sweet home...

its the weekend already.. i cant wait to see what am i going to do this weekend...

lets list down what i have in mind...

1. career fair...
2. bring natalie shopping...
3. sleepppppppppppppppppppp...
4. go out with my bestfriends...
5. laundry...
6. ideas for my FYP!... <--- do i have too??? =(
7. sleeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppppppppppppppppp somemore!!!!
8. study some economics... <---- do i have toooooooo??? uwaaaaaaaa....

*missing you*

WHY!!!!???

why is it so hard for you to show me that you love me?
why is it so hard for you to prove to me that you really want me?

why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why?
why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why?

NO one!

no one knows how i feel and how i have to deal with it everyday...

only me and that is for sure that is only me...
currently down with a terrible headache... and my hands are shaking... *sigh*

*not in the mood*

27 dresses...

a must watch!!! next movie that im going to watch.. cant wait!!! i love the design of the poster!!! hehehehehe... nak nak nak nak nak tgkkkkk.... who would like to be my date???

sigh~

its so usual that when i wake up i get a morning message from him or call him to hear his voice... but lately i dont get any message... but its ok... i understand... but today morning the first thing i thought of when i open my eyes was HIM! =( i feel so sadddddddddddddddddd........................... so i decide to give him a call... at the same time i was feeling sad and happy... sad coz its our anniversary... happy to get to hear his voice...

...by the way im alone in kristen's house as she is M.I.A...!

@ poppy

kristen and me @ poppy

what a day and what a nite... its 4.30am and im still not sleeping... i just got back from poppy... it was my first time there... i went there with my bestfriend, kristen... it was nice of her to bring me out to get my mind of stuff especially thinking about him... i dont know how im going to forget and let him go but i guess i have to bare with it and let it be... just hope for the best and see how things will work out... i couldnt drink today as im on medication and my gastric is just not going away... all i did was dance but eventhough i was dancing i was wishing that you were there with me hugging and protecting me...

today is the day if we are still together we are 8 months together... well... i just wanted to wish you happy anniversary... i love you and i dont know how to stop loving you at the moment... im trying to have fun just now but it just doesnt seem right... i cant stop thinking about you and i just dont know what to do... i want you so badly... i dont know what he is doing and i dont know whether he thinks about me like how i think of him...

i miss you...

=(

i got no where to run and i dont think i would want to run away from anyone. i just want everything to be over as i dont want to feel sad everytime. to let you go is already hard enough. like what the GIRL say 'i just wanna be with him, care about him, love him, everything about him!!' hope you get what you want.

the end.

end??

Was hoping that you would say don't... Hoping that you would not let me walk away...
All I could do is respect and accept the fact that I have to move on...

It really hurts but you said it.
I love you sooo much.
You were always there for me... Especially when i'm feeling down and mostly also when i'm feeling up like as though I am in cloud 9...
I wish it would not have to end...
I wish that it could continue...
I really wish you would not just let me walk away...

I guess its final...
The decision has been made...*sigh*

I want you so badly but I can't have you.

happy!

I'm not going to fight for anything... I just don't want to get hurt... That is all...

He asked me out for lunch today... I was surprise at one point but happy... Just really happy...
I couldn't stop smiling... I really miss having him around... but for how long i'm not sure...

*happy day*

prayers...

Why when I say I will let you go, people will presume that 'we are no more friends'. Why do one have to think that way? For goodness sake, we are still friends, just that we are now different and I don't think you would want your boyfriend's ex messaging him 24/7. I want to leave you two alone and I don't want to be a 'penghalang' between the both of you. I am pretty sure that you wouldn't want too right? I'm sure that you don't want him to think of me. Open your mind up and don't jump into conclusion GIRL!!!

How would you tell someone is really happy?
How would you say someone is happy when he or she smiles?
How would you know the actual feeling deep inside?

Whoever you are, just go on loving him. I'm not going to stop you because that is just not me. Really, you can't stop someone loving someone. I'm pretty sure you know what I mean. No matter what happens, I really appreciate everything you have done for me. I will definitely miss you. If I say I don't means i'm lying to myself. I do love you and I do miss you. =)

Okay. That is enough for what I have to say.
For me... Life has to go on. My friend's father is diagnose with cancer. He is in a recovering state. I pray and hope that he will get well soon.

*Hope for a miracle and for the best*

My prayers are with you, uncle.

something got me destracted!

i found something really interesting but i think i have read it somewhere... hehehe...

Things guys should know about GIRLS...
1. When you see a girl with huge knockers, do not go "Damn!" and then laugh appreciatively to yourself - we can hear you.
2. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
3. If you don't act like soap-opera guys, don't expect us to dress like Victoria Secret models.
4. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
5. There is no such thing as too much spooning.
6. Just because you L the C doesn't mean we have to S the D.
7. This is how we see it . . . Don't call = Don't Care.
8. Which also means that if we don't call, take the hint.
9. We like you to be a little jealous . . . but overly possessive is not necessary.
10. Putting things in our butt does not turn us on.
11. Return favors: we massage, you massage; we shave, you shave (and not just your face).
12. Foreplay is not an option . . . its a prerequisite.
13. We're allowed to be late . . . you are not.
14. Eye contact is key.
15. Don't take longer to get ready than we do.
16. Laugh at our jokes.
17. Three words . . . honesty, honesty, honesty.
18. Girls can be groupies. Guy groupies are stalkers.
19. We never have to wonder if your orgasm was real.
20. Do not start with us. You will not win... not kidding .. we ALWAYS win
21. Would you like it if a guy treated your sister that way? We didn't think so.
22. If you ask nicely, we usually answer the same way.
23. We will never have enough clothes or shoes! Ever!
24. We have an excuse to act bitchy at least once a month. Come on guys...most of you have more PMS then us girls..
25. Open the door for us no matter where we are . . . even at our house and getting into the car. I know it seems like a lot but is it that hard?
26. We love surprises!
27. We liked to be kissed softly, not with an iron tongue.
28.Pay attention to the little things we do, because they mean the most.
29. Boxers and maybe boxer briefs sometiems . . . NEVER whitey-tighties, NEVER!
30. Clean your room before we come over.
31. Always brush your teeth before you see us . . . a fresh mouth and white teeth are a necessity plus we do the same for you.
32. When we use our teeth it means that you suck at going down on us, so we are just returning the favor.
33. Even though you are sometimes insensitive and hurt us, we still love you with everything we are.
34. Sometimes even when you think we hate you, we don't, we just want you to apologize so we can be allowed to love you again
35. Don't act hard around your friends because I won't make you hard tonight. AKA don't be an ass
36. Sometimes "NO!" really means "NO!"
37. "Wife Beaters" are not an adequate form of fashion.
38. If we wanted to be on video tape, we'd be a porn star not your girlfriend.
39. Sensitive guys are great . . . but crying more than we do in a movie just isn't right.
40. Don't let ex-girlfriends cause drama, relationships are stressful enough!!!!!
41. It takes a special kind of stupid to forget birthdays.
42. Guys who are good cuddlers = guys who know how to satisfy a woman.
43. "Fat Chicks" have feelings too--all chicks have feelings.
44. Silent treatment + shoulder shrugs + tears + yelling + nasty looks = YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG!
45. If you are not a good dancer, please be self-aware.
46. Just because a girl doesn't pick up on the first ring doesn't mean she's not waiting by the phone.
47. You don't have to spend a lot, if it means a lot.
48. Don't say you love me if you don't mean it.
49. Don't lie to us . . . we will catch you...eventually we always catch you.
50. When the girls get together, we talk about EVERYTHING. Meaning my best friends knows everything about you.
51. Don't Make Promises You Can't Keep
52. Don't tell your girl "I saw "this thing" that you would have loved and I was going to buy it for you..." or " I was going to buy you "fill in the blank"... but then didn't for whatever reason. If you didn't buy it we don't want to hear about it, all that does is create disppointment. Either buy it or shut up about it.

should i or should i not...

asking for forgiveness??? should i forgive him??? i don't know... should i or should i not???

does he really mean it???

i am certainly not mad at the GIRL! please la i have better things to do... i'm glad that is over anyway! you're just a hypocrite... by the way its not for you to judge how is my attitude towards him...

..............

................
no words can describe how much i feel hurt....

it hurts so much...

but it ended... i don't have to feel this way anymore... its the end of it...
knowing that someone loves you hurts me enough... and can't believe is that GIRL!

hope you're happy with her... hope she makes you happy... im sure she is doing it right now at this moment...

i'm leaving you now and i think that is the right choice and that is what you want... so i guess this is good bye for me... hope your mum is happy now at least... don't worry i will remember the message that you last send me which is 'please don't message me'... don't worry i won't forget...

'Happily Never After'
That just ain't for me.
Because finally,
I know
I deserve better, after all
I'll never let another teardrop fall."

what a day...

all i saw yesterday was

• couples holding hand...
• girls getting a bouquet of flowers...
• cards were given to each other...
  
• presents...
• teddy bears were given...
• couples having dinner...
• couples walking around...
• feeding each other ice creams...

what else did i miss...
*sigh* i wish i would spend my valentines like that... but i was spending the whole day in class... had class from 9.30am till up to 7.00pm... sad rite? i had butt cramps and i felt like my ass is already been flatten by the chair... and then at 9.00 pm i had a meeting... that i totally forgot about... hehehe... luckily izzah reminded me... well this was my valentines... how was that? hahaha... anyone got worst???

happily NEVER after

happy never after
by backstreet boys

"I don't think I want this anymore,"
As she drops the ring to the floor.
She says to herself, "You've left before,"
"This time you will stay gone, that's for sure."


And he shattered something else
To drag her suitcase down the path,
To the driveway.
She had never gone that far.


Normally this would be
the time that she
would let him talk her out of leaving,
But this time, without crying,
as she got into her car, she said,


"No
'Happily Never After'
That just ain't for me.
Because finally,
I know
I deserve better, after all
I'll never let another teardrop fall."


As she drove away she starts to smile,
Realized she hadn't for a while.
No destination, she drove for miles
Wondering why she stayed in such denial.


She was laughing about the way he shattered something else
To drag her suitcase down the path,
to the driveway,
she had never gone that far
Normally this would be, the time that she
would let him talk her out of leaving, but this time, without crying,
as she got into her car, she said,

counting.. or not to count...

valentines day is a few days away.. when two hands join together like the above it becomes a heart.. its every girls wish to be with their love ones and to get flowers and gifts from their guy.. but sometimes some girls just do not get what they want in life.. some choose to spend their time being alone.. some just do not want to be bother about this day.. i wish for once i could feel being love by someone on this special occasion.. *sigh..* ok do not think so much...

*missing you*

....

i promise that i will remember you the way you remember me even we are not together anymore.

we will not be together now but maybe later... i will miss you sooo much...

hi to the rat year!

its has come to end on 4th february... how sad is that... no one has made me smile for the past few months and now its back to normal and sadness... *how pathetic can i be anyway*
sigh...

life is full of obstacles and this particular one is just so hard for me right now...

i have to walk on my own again and i have to learn how to not think about what have happen...

chinese new year was a long break and i spend my chinese new year in penang... it was nice to spend it with my family but at the same time trying to forget what had happen was the hardest thing... penang was so hot and i have tanned lines on my skin... my little cousins would entertain me especially when im feeling down as they are the biggest clown to me...

a new year
a new heart
a new life
a new attitude..

may this rat year bring me more joy and happiness and prosperity...

a change!!!!!!

It was time to put everything to the end. It was time to let go all the anger and not let anything destroy our relationship. I guess my emotional control myself during this past few days. I couldn’t help it but to be jealous of everything and trying to find fault for every single thing that has been happening throughout the past few days.

Jealously will always be there but I hope that I would not feel that way most of the time. I have to learn how to trust someone and I just hope that the trust would be given and would prove my thinking wrong.

Things are not the same like the first time we meet but I hope it would be much better and we would work it out to be better. Currently it is getting better. Much lesser of the arguing but I still get upset with the words that I hear or the actions that turn out to be much different than we discuss. I am trying. I miss everything. I’m missing you.

Anyway, Chinese New Year is around the corner. My family has decided to spend our Chinese New Year in Penang. Penang here I come. Hope that I would enjoy myself anyway and also get loads loads of ang pow.

To be continue…

...

this should stop right now.

sorry.

I feel that i'm loosing everything that matters to me. We would just fight even of simple little things. I'll just feel upset but things get worst every minute. I get upset with little and little of things at this moment. Is it because it's the 'pms' month??? i don't really know what is going on with me. We would get mad at each other very fast and the words that we use against each other are just so hurtful to take. I still remember the time where we say that we hate each other so much. I regret it every single day and trying to be a better person at the same time work things out but I don't see it improving at the moment. I feel that I am not important and there is no conversation between one another.

I really miss us. Sorry i'm not good enough for you.

november to january~

surprise?hehehe.. im back.. i thought i have forgotten my username and password but no...its still fresh in my mind..

well i would say bye bye to 2007.. i know im a lil late for that but as you have seen i havent been blogging for ages...

i am currently going into my final semester... holidays are just over and now is my final semester.. fwehhhhhhhhh... i pass my second semester.. so stress.. i just want to get through this and start working and get my own money to spend... heehhehe.. so i would at least put off the burden of my mum...

its already almost the end of january of the year 2008 and lots have happened!!!

i think im gonna loose someone that who really meant to me... i feel soooooo sad and i think that we will not ever be the same.. i wish that it didnt happen just 10 minutes ago... im looking forward to head back to campus but now its all shattered! hoping that holidays will continue actually... sigh.. i dont know what to do anymore right this moment.. it has been really hard for me... things are getting worst and im being the worse and a useless friend..

hoping and praying at this moment trying not to cry in front of my mother. sigh! be patient deena! you'll be strong *hopefully* and you dont need it right now... just miss everything.. =(

:)

wow. wow! its been a very long time.. it was the holidays and now back to school as they say.. but for me...the holiday fever is still in me.. hehehe.. and im down with a virus. im down with a high fever.. sigh..
just hoping to get well soon...